Wait. Let me get there. Let me explain. As moms, alone time is precious. I’m not talking alone time with friends or even alone time at the spa. I mean, alone time… in your home, the kind of alone time that forces you to really examine yourself and where you are in life. This is the alone time that will either A. Make you cry or B. Force you to want some sort of change in your life. In my case… it did both.
What does that mean exactly? What is this Mom blogger even saying? Why is she even complaining? Let me just skip right over to the next blog post that is going to make me want to make some creative rustic pallet hanging that reads “Live, Laugh, Love.”
Because don’t we all want to live, laugh, and love?
That’s EXACTLY what I’m saying.
I want to live. I want to laugh. And I want to love, but somehow it’s been molded into what looks like a long commute on the freeway, breaking news on my computer, and dirty laundry when I get home. It’s forgetting to pay bills because I can’t seem to stay awake at the end of the day. It’s doing it all alone while my husband lives 3 1/2 hours away and feeling a new found respect for all the single moms out there. It’s coffee at 4:00 a.m. and the very real fight that begins at 4:00 p.m. as I try to decide between a nap that will get me through the rest of the day or the run that I desperately need so that I, myself, could be physically healthy.
It’s deciding whether I have enough time to cook or if one more night at the drive-thru won’t push me over the edge of guilt. It’s letting the dirty dishes sit in the sink overnight so I can take a shower and have just enough time for a bedtime story with the little one.
It’s laughing with my 12-yr-old over really stupid gross jokes that I would normally find repulsive, but today I find endearing because this child is growing up so fast and next time… next time he won’t want to share that joke with me, but instead he’ll choose the cute girl who giggles at all his jokes via text message.
So, as I experienced a very real week alone with no children and no husband and, let’s be honest, no energy… I looked around and I thought…. No.
This is NOT enough to help me live, laugh, and love. The everyday chaos of juggling my job and mothering these children by myself is NOT enough and it’s not ok.
I’m missing a connection.
I’m missing a bond.
I’m missing that little string that attaches me to emotion.
Where did it go? When did it detach? How did I not notice it had disappeared until now?
How do I get it back?
When do I start feeling again?
A sweet friend told me last week, “Sara, when was the last time you went for happy? I mean, seeing happiness and really going for it? Doing something because YOU want it, not because you think it’s best for your kids, your finances, or your family? Go for happy.”
As moms, we’re all guilty of doing for our family first and thinking of ourselves last. That’s how we’re wired. I get it, but ladies… it’s NOT enough. It’s NOT ok. You must think of yourself on a daily basis.
Pick up that hobby you used to love.
Call up that old friend that always made you laugh.
Experiment with new foods and new places.
Sit at the coffee shop and talk to the stranger next to you.
Listen to music… YOUR music.
Buy that expensive hairspray you love.
Start a project.
Go for happy. It’s allowed. And it’s ok.
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