A few months ago, my youngest son hit my daughter with a toy. He’s 4-yrs-old and learning how to deal with his frustration when he gets angry. Countless times we’ve reiterated that hitting is just not acceptable. Hitting hurts people, but, moreover, it hurts their heart each time you do it.
One afternoon after school he did it again. I talked with him then sent him over to his sister to apologize and ask for forgiveness. My sweet daughter, bless her heart, she told him, “No. I won’t forgive you. You’ve hurt me WAY too many times.” When those words came out of her mouth, my heart silently broke on the outside and violently shattered on the inside because I’m guilty for saying those VERY words to someone I love. No. I won’t forgive you. You’ve hurt me too many times.
When I said those words I ended it with an I hate you.
If you’ve been around Momma Findings you know that I’ve triumphed over infidelity, alcoholism, a broken marriage, the brink of an eating disorder, and used all these horrible things to become closer to God. I’ve forgiven my husband, but, most importantly, I’ve forgiven myself.
I’ve, often, been asked, “How could you just forgive him? If that was me, I’d be gone.”
Well, I didn’t want to. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be sad. I wanted to end all that God had planned for me. I asked so many Godly people, in my life, to counsel me. Give me a verse in the Bible that will make me stay… that will tell me I shouldn’t divorce this man.
While I spoke with one particular, God Sent Friend, she pointed me to this verse:
A beautiful marriage.
After my son begged her to forgive him, I took her by the hand and asked her, “Honey, let’s say Rudy never learns and he keeps hitting you. How many times do you think you should forgive him?”
“No honey, God says Not to forgive seven times, but up to SEVENTY times SEVEN.”
“But MOM! That’s A LOT!”
“Yes, sweetie. It is and each time you do it, it makes you stronger and fills your heart with love.”
This Music Monday, I’m listening to a song by Chris August 7×70.
Album: No Far Away
Since the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they’ve seen me torn
They have heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They’ve had a front row seat for the breaking of my heart
Seven times seventy times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
Seven times seventy times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
I remember running down the hallway playing hide and seek
I didn’t know that I was searching for someone to notice me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I’m supposed to be learning to love
You let me down again
I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m alright now…cause
God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you, I forgive you
I’ve been living in this house here since the day that I was born
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