No seriously. That’s how old we were when he asked me to marry him. It was a whirlwind of emotions, not because I was making the HUGE decision to commit my life to another human being, but because I could sense a feeling of the unknown and that’s scary.
My Mother kept me safe as a child. Look both ways before crossing the street. Wear a jacket before leaving the house. No drinking and driving. Don’t get in the car if your friends are drinking. You know. That kind of stuff, but she never told me that I would willfully run into a ground covered in minefields the day he asked me to marry him. Never.
When I got married, I was in love, like sweep-me-off-my-feet, there-is-nobody-else-living-except-the-two-of-us, kind of love. I saw myself as his wife, the mother of his children, his soul mate. In seeing everything I believed I was to HIM, I didn’t really see what he was to ME. Wait. I don’t even think that sentence makes sense, but there it is.
On our wedding day and even years later, I still felt like I was lost and life kept throwing bombs at me to push me off track. Some days, I’d ask myself Why would you willingly put yourself here, Sara? But I WANTED to be here. I loved it here. How could someone love being in a place where living and breathing seemed so difficult?
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much to young
But we did it anyway
Does he have a hidden camera on my life? Those words kept me listening to the rest of the song and crying at his words.
Last night, as I laid in my husband’s arms, we reminisced about past loves and how we found each other. I turned to him and said, “I was a completely different person back then. Do you miss her? Do you miss the woman you fell in love with?”
My husband reassured me that we grew up together. We’re the people we are today because of each other, which bring’s me to Andrew’s sweet words:
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard is a good place to begin
Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found
I laid my life down for him or so I thought. As we reach 10 years of marriage, this Spring, I’ve realized that the only reason I’ve found myself and become the woman I am today, is because of the commitment and love I willfully gave him.. when I was 19 and he was 21.
There’s one more line that hit me in this song:
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith
to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me
A lot of wives don’t talk about it, nor do they openly admit to themselves that there are days we forget our names, meaning we act the way we did before our maiden name was changed. I forget that I’m Mrs. Sara Patterson not Miss Sara Montez. Temptations lead us to dream up what our life could have been before saying ‘I Do’. Is the grass really greener on the other side?
I am married, but I do lose my way, love leaves me and God put this man in my life to remind me of this everlasting love we’ve been given. He reminds me that we CAN dance in the minefields with the promise we hold so dearly.
How old were you when you got married? Do you regret marrying young? Or do you feel God’s timing was perfect? (What am I saying? God’s timing is always perfect.)
Album: Counting Stars
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