This morning, I’ve been reflecting. Praying. Thinking. Reading. Then I realized it’s Music Monday and thought I’d take my time of reflection to my laptop with my earbuds. Gosh, I can’t explain how therapeutic Mondays are for me. It’s a whole new start. Kids are off to school. Little one is sleeping. I’m quietly laughing with my Savior and holding a warm cup of coffee, asking Him the “Whys” the “Hows” and hearing Him whisper sweet answers that explain absolutely everything, but still I understand nothing. It’s short times like this where I feel so close to Him. His love completely surrounds me. Over. Underneath. In Between. Inside of me.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and we talked about how we sometimes feel love isn’t enough. Love doesn’t do anything when you’re sobbing on the floor, when the person you love walks out away from the life you built, when your pain spills over to your children, and the helplessness sets in.
Have you ever felt that way?
I’ve gone through pain. I know people who have experienced more pain than I even thought was fathomable. I know people who are going through such an anguish right now and, although they are miles and miles away from me, I feel it right here in the deepest hallway of my heart.
So, I mentioned to my friend, you’re right love doesn’t do shit (sorry for the words here, but these were my exact feelings and words during this “conversation”) when you’re being lied straight to your face. Love won’t take away the pain you or your children are feeling, BUT His love takes you to a point of healing. His love gives you time. Surrounds you. Over. Underneath. In between. And Inside.
When we reach that point of desperation, that point where we feel Christ’s Love is distant, is the exact point when he’s completely engulfed in us, every crack of our heart, and every shallow pathway in our veins.
Tenth Avenue North has an older song I hadn’t heard until this morning and the words spoke to me when I heard, “Still I’m afraid to tell you, All that I’ve done. Are you done forgiving? Or can you look pass my pretending? Lord I’m so tired of defending What I’ve become.”
I get so scared sometimes to pray and tell Him all I’ve done, all I’ve been thinking of doing, all my shameful movements. I, often, forget how vast His Love is and that He already knows. He knew before me and plans to show me, through His love and grace, that there are going to be so many times in my life where I’ll grow lustful, angry, saddened, and confused.
But He’s there. All around me. Underneath Me. Over me.
Album: Over and Underneath
I need to love you
I love to see you, but it’s been so long
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you
And i need to hear you
Is that so wrong?
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Now you pulled me near you
When we’re close I fear you
Still I’m afraid to tell you
All that I’ve done
Are you done forgiving?
Or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord I’m so tired of defending
What I’ve become
What have I become?
Ooh oh, oh oh, oh oh (X4)
I hear you say “my love is over,
It’s underneath, it’s inside, it’s in between
The times you doubt me, when you can’t feel
The times that you’ve questioned ‘Is this for real?’
The times you’ve broken, the times that you mend
The times you hate me and the times that you bend
Well my love is over, its underneath
It’s inside, it’s in between,
These times you’re healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you’ve fallen from grace
The times you’re hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
In times of confusion and chaos and pain
I’m there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I’m there through your heartache
I’m there in the storm
My love i will keep you by my power alone
I don’t care where you’ve fallen, where you have been
I’ll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
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